Men dating little boys
Before Noah, I had very little experience with children. At 33, I haven't yet decided against children, but I can't picture having them, either. (Mostly for my mom.) I've just never been a person who sees a baby and reaches for it. Home for the holidays, I'll lie about and let my mom whip up grilled cheese and stitch loose buttons, while my dad busies himself fixing the rattle in my car. This has seemed to satisfy any maternal instincts I might have. Even in adulthood, I still settle back into childhood whenever I'm so indulged.For example, when you search for a film, we use your search information and location to show the most relevant cinemas near you.We also use this information to show you ads for similar films you may like in the future.Before that, he called me "Joanie." Joanie is the cat.) When I started to realize how difficult the relationship might be to navigate, and that I was possibly facing a future as a stepmom, it was too late. If it wasn't going to come naturally—and I wasn't sure it would—it seemed the only thing to do was to learn to love Noah as well.We all moved in together a year ago—Bob and I full-time, Noah every other weekend and Wednesdays overnight.And usually, I am—as long as we're both in the mood for it. Then I realize that he probably feels the same way.
He'll say, "Mommy has a zoo near her house, too," as if he feels he has to declare whose team he's on; he might be enjoying himself, but he's still loyal.
It feels like a judgment against someone else's parenting skills—and I'm not sure either Bob or his ex thinks I have the right to an opinion. I argue that Bob is too lenient with Noah; Bob argues back—informing me that I'm impatient, inflexible, conservative and a bit of a schoolmarm.
And then he'll sheepishly admit that he's loath to spend what little time he has with Noah in discipline mode. I don't want to impose on their relationship, and I don't want to be the evil stepmonster. His obsession with his father—and most men, in fact—is both unsurprising and kind of heartbreaking.
But as we wait to marry, we increase our chances of partnering up with a divorc? Having a baby is an adjustment, and one you usually plan for; having someone else's child come into your life is a major shock, more by-product than intention. He takes what I call a skater-dude approach to parenting.
On the flip side, let's face it: No one wants a stepmother. Bob knew from the beginning that I wasn't sure about my own feelings about having children, but I think subconsciously he thought we'd be this instant family and that it would be easy for everyone to adapt. Daddy's house is the sort of place where no one thinks to lay a newspaper down on the vintage kitchen table before dyeing Easter eggs on it.